Mad Man.
Im looking for right words to say. I am really bothered with a lot of things, still whatever or however the world may turn out and about, i am still fucked. I look in every single possible direction in this life and all i see is a gloomy withered pasture that frankly speaking is deserving of a drop of pathetic life like mine. I deserve all these sorrow and misery and you people who wish for me to be like this, Congratulations. You fucking won.
This is when self-doubt kicks in and you think that all the world problems revolve around you. It does not but you feel its like that. You take all the bullshit before and you will still take all the bullshit now and in the future. Its all engraved in your chest forever tormenting you with all the Insulting words saying you are the biggest fucking mistake God and your parents ever fucking made.
Im gonna die soon, or perhaps a part of me died a long time ago and stopped caring a long time ago. I cant really blame anybody but myself and my sheer idiocy and stupidity because i made a lot of wrong choices. Maybe i had needs that i needed to fill up but thats not how it works. Maybe i just deserve to just die. I do right? I mean, what the fuck is all this for anyway? i have no purpose, my own brother hurls very hurtful insults at me. My mom does not love me. My father hates me so bad hes gonna put a bullet in my head the moment i step on the island. Nobody wants me. At this emo fucking moment that im having, i feel that im not welcome at hell too. So being stuck between a rock and a hard place is really all that miserable. I wish i have all the fucking courage in the world to commit self destruct but i dont even have the fucking balls to do it. Thats how lame i am. Maybe my brother is right, i am all that is wrong and pitiful in this world. I have lost a battle i had no chance of winning anyway. Fuck you, optimism.
This is Rapt 2.0′s all about. Ramblings of a Mad Man who got himself digging his own grave of quicksand, being stuck there and slowly sinking into the abyss. I have never accomplished anything and will never will. In the eyes of the only people i have cared the most, i am nothing but a loser and a mistake and a leech and a good for nothing son. And it does fucking hurt. Ill certainly go to hell and continue to have eternal lashing, as if this life aint hell enough already. All you people who wished me dead, you got me better than being dead. Isnt that suffering is better a punishment? We do live in a wonderful world. Yeah we do, yeah we do…
Now im craving for words that can balance everything, balance more evil with evil. Balance the insults and all the hurtful words that i deserve. You wonder how much you can take. You are alone in this world with even your whole family hating you. i might as well have been a convicted criminal or murderer. Seems like there’s no difference to that.
FML.
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