Random Acts of Potential Trepidations

Im having weird dreams for the past two nights. I dont really spend much nights sleeping anymore because of work but if i do, my brain who is suffering from neurosis is creatively taunting me with all clogged-in and suppressed desires of my subconscious. I somehow crave for it, craving for a fantasy like wonder even if its so far-fetched from reality. Its a lovely sight to gaze into, a role-play of some sort where there are no holds barred and probably less anxiety kicks in. Its like viewing who you really are in a silver screen, reflecting your fears, desires and inner self.

When i wake up from a fascinating weird dream i almost lose all detail about it. Reality hits you pretty quickly, along with stress and fatigue and pressure. These factors i need to eliminate while i am still sane enough to be living comfortably under my skin. When i wake up, i face unlimited demons that serves a purpose of making your life miserable and solitary. I begin to watch a lot of comedy shows just so i laugh out loud alone and feel warmth amidst all this craziness. I dont appeal to help because i deem it stupid to do so because i need to help myself first. Pressure amounts, mix with an enormity of schedule-related stress, unmotivated workplace and lower than average pay scale – and you have one sick mind borderline clinical insanity.

So i must do what i must. 7 days more of slaving hours and kissing ass and then i take a sabbatical for a week. This good week will be comprised of nothing but cleansing every aspect of my human life, dealing with it Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. A week of bringing stability and equilibrium again to my tainted self, restructuring and feeling a huge sigh of relief, or even feeling freedom from stress, exhaustion and anxiety. Freedom from constant acid reflux attack, heartburn and chest pains. Freedom from ridicule and prejudice. I have to endure 7 more working days, sleepless nights, and reasoning. After that i need to give myself the proper treatment it long deserves. No more self poisoning and self sabotage. No more laughing alone moments and tv dinners. I am screwed each and every way but things has to really change.

A new light, a new inner peace and a whole new level of discipline and energy. This is more than just lip service. Thats why i put it up in my blog.

So dreams and fantasy and reality, the duality of all that shit, ill be facing it without apprehension and with an open mind. 7 days more, 7 days to go. Watch out.